Eagles Nest BBS 5/Eagles_Nest_Mac_Collection_Disc_5.TOAST/Other Non-Macintosh Text/KarmaSutra

Text File | 1993-09-03 | 28KB | 607 lines

Article 6539 of alt.tasteless:
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Path: riogrande.cs.tcu.edu!convex!convex!darwin.sura.net!europa.asd.contel.com!uunet!mnemosyne.cs.du.edu!isis.cs.du.edu!bediger
From: [e-mail] (bruce allen ediger)
Subject: Kama Sutra Repost
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Summary: Due to popular demand
Keywords: too many to repeat here.
Sender: [e-mail] (netnews admin account)
Organization: Old Farts with a full load in their drawers
Date: Sun, 3 May 92 16:26:55 GMT
Lines: 591

I am reposting this stuff, since many people seem to be desirous of it.
Sorry if there is not any new material since last time: I have been very
very lazy.  Similarly, I am sorry if some consider it a redundant bit of
fluff.

Copyright probably remains with original posters.  I do not desire, nor should
I be credited with, anything other than whatever respect or honor is due to an
anthologist.  Corrections, clarifications and additions gladly accepted.
Bonus points for verified cases of the more bizarre acts or determining real
names (paraphilias).

I abase myself before you for having lost several of the names of people
who have posted tasteless sex acts.  I am not worthy.

AH-CHOO SCREW -
[e-mail]:
Assume missionary position.  Insert cock in girls cunt.  Insert nose in girls
mouth. Fuck rapidly, then blow all three nostrils at a time. Tell her that you
love her. Works also in a 69, but some girls may require that you wear a condom
over your nose, as they don't like the feel of snot in their slobberhole (a
shame really, as it's a very good non-toxic lubricant).
Slogans to use when talking her into it: 'Imagine two crooked spurting objects
in your body simultaneusly', 'Twice the pleasure'. Things to say to show that
you are in the know, a man of the world 'HiYa baby, do you spit or swallow'.

ANAL SEX -
[e-mail]:
Nothing tasteless about that, unless she's got diarrhea at the time, and
blows it out on every stroke.

AUSTRALIAN BUTT CHUG, MOON RIVER -
[e-mail] (Gerime Blankenship):
Speaking of gross things done with a beer and someone's ass. Once I was
with a really sleezy bar with a friend and his girlfriend.  My friend stood on
the table pulled down his pants and told me to pour my beer down his crack.  So
I did and his girlfriend got between his legs and guzzled the beer as it ran
off the end of his testicles.  They called it the Australian Butt Chug.

BAGPIPE -
penis in armpit sex.  No documented cases.  Official name unknown.

BANANA RAMMING -
Chris Lloyd - [e-mail]:
No I'm not a lady, but I did see .quite. a drunken girl insert a stiff
banana into her in front of most of a party in high school, it was quite
entertaining.   From then on she was silently reffered to as
"BananaRammer", she had a hard time facing anyone after that ...

BUCKLEY'S MIXTURE -
[e-mail] (WALLACE MCLEAN):
How to make Buckley's Mixture.

Coat hand of choice with Vick's Vaporub.
Coat alternate hand with A535.

Slowly wack your weasel with Vaporub hand while cupping and massaging your
testicles with A535 hand. Allow plenty of time for menthol and camphor-laced
essences to absorb into the sensitive membranes.

Shoot off.

Lick up the spoo, which by now should have not only the colour and
consistency of Buckley's Mixture, but tastes kinda like it, too.

BUM-SUCKERING -
[e-mail]
Getting sucked off by winos for quarters, only to welsh on the payment,
especially if they've offered to let you piss in their mouths at no extra
charge.

BUTT HARP -
[e-mail]:
Apparently there are cases of homosexual pleasure that goes beyond the scope
of normality. One such case is a butt harp.

The instrument of pleasure is a round ball (possibly the size of a golf ball,
depends on the hole in question) and a string that is attached to the ball.

The object of the game is to insert the ball into another's asshole and
then use a bow (from a violin or a celo) and play the string. The vibrations
caused are quite pleasurable, or so I hear...

[e-mail]:
I also heard of a metal ball that has a hole for a wire in it, that you
connect to some electric source, and the other end of the source to the
person involved., for electro stimulation of the anatomy in question.
I bet this could be combined with the bow to get some interesting effects.
The electric butt harp.  Too bad Jimi Hendrix is not here to play it.
(so I hear....)

CATCH HUDSON RIVER TROUT -
someone shits on your chest.  You possibly have a layer or two of newspaper
shielding you from the trout.

Please note that the story about the drunken frat-boy yakking on a girl's
chest, then passing out and waking up with a pile of shit on his chest
is an urban legend, and certainly doesn't bear endless repetition.

CHILI DOG SEX -
[e-mail]:
The setting is a small apartment.  A small man with sunken eyes
is sitting on his bed.  He is naked.  In his right hand he holds
a steaming chili dog.  He brings the chili dog under his nose and
sniffs at it's tantalizing aroma.  He licks at the pink end with
the tip of his tongue.  He then brings the hot dog down to his
right inner thigh.  He then begins caressing slowly up to his
rock hard genitals, leaving a brown rivulet to follow.  He then
prods his penis against dog.  He begins pressing against the hot
dog in a regular rhythm that causes his breathing to increase in
tempo.  He bites down on his lower lip.  A rivulet of blood
trickles down and begins collecting in the cleft of his chin.  He
discharges his seed onto the hot dog.  He then hold the hot dog
in front of him.  His white sperm is trickling down the sides.
He catches his breath and begins conversing with his mystery meat
lover.

COLOSTOMY FUCK,    COLOSTODOMY, GETTING A BIT ON THE SIDE -
[e-mail] (John N. Young):
You thought the hamster up the ass was a way out gross story,
listen to this one, this women was admitted to hospital with
Colonitis (Cancer of the colon I think). She had a Colostomy and
was well on the way back to a normal life (besides carrying a bag
of shit with her everywhere she went) but she ended up back in
hospital after six months complaining that she was suffering from
severe pain at her colostomy bag entrance. Thinking that an
infection had started the doctors checked it out only to find that
the exit hole had been clogged with sperm - apparently her husband
had been banging her colostomy hole - nice one!

COW CUNNILINGUS -
[e-mail]:
Well, you ever seen cows shit?  That slack, gaping cloacum just yawning open,
the pungent brown sludge lazily oozing out?  Well, you know that cows don't
have vaginas, just the one multi-purpose orfice.  Imagine going out in a field
naked to eat out a cow, one with lots of flies buzzing around the ass, other
cows gathered around curiously adding to the aroma.  The hole is so big you
can almost put your whole head in there, and you're just busily licking away,
occasionally pulling out a bemired head to breathe, jacking off with one hand,
when the cow just casually dumps a reeeally messy, sticky hot load right into
your face.  The semi-liquid sewage forces its way in your mouth, up your
nostrils, down your throat, and the anus contracts, sucking your head inside,
and you're trapped, asphyxiating, coming in spurts as you die, and your naked,
cum-soaked corpse is dragged around the pasture by the head in the cow's rectum
until your parents come out in a few days, scaring off the vultures and crows,
and find it.

[e-mail] (Geoff Miller) comments:
    Can you imagine what it'd sound like if you sneaked up behind
    somebody with his head up a cow's arse and kicked him in the
    balls?  I'd advise having a tape recorder handy, because I'm
    sure the resulting muffled yelp would have a unique timbre to
    it.

[e-mail] (Steven Snedker) comments:
Well, for a nice start I would cut off its udder and let the milk a blood
splatter all over my erected nob (jerking off wildly of course), then
lick the crusty inside of the udder and put it on as a bathing cap,
and ram my head up the cows arse.
AAAAhhh...

CRYING AND WANKING ALONE, AS WE ALL DO EVEN WHEN WE ARE WITH SOMEONE. -
[e-mail]
self explanatory.

CUNNILINGUS DURING MENSTRUATION -
self explanatory, and not necessarily tasteless.  However it is possible for
two men to simulate this with some degree of authenticity, not to mention
tastelessness:

[e-mail] (John Bates):
However, to simulate, my friend "man with Ginger beard" cut off his knobber
and associated equipment and opened a large gash in his lower abdomen using
a rusty blade. I lapped at this which he assured me was just like C during M-
pus and blood intermingled.

We also tried felching. That was fun too.

I would award top marks for both

[e-mail] comments:
    Ah,  the taste [of] cunilingus [during mensturation]! What's even better
    is if the girlie does a fanny fart and blows blood bubbles into your face.

DWARF STUFFING -
[lost attribution and article]
Insertion of a dwarf's head into the anal orifice.  Pleasure derived is similar
to that of gerbilling...

DUCK JOBS -
[e-mail] (D. Owen Rowley):
[e-mail] (Nelson Minar) writes:
> There is reason to duct tape a rabbit, a cat, or a duck (hence the
> expression 'duck tape'). Wrap it up, and then insert your penis.

Don't confuse this with the *Classic* New Orleans
"Duck-job", popularized in the Bordellos of that town at the turn of the
last century.

The "Duck-job" was performed by the *john*  impaling the duck in the egg canal,
holding it firmly by the wings, and then having an assistant cut off the
ducks head.  Tales of one person duck-jobs exist, but apparently it required
considerable dexterity to avoid cutting oneself.
Anyway the resultant death-throws, accompanied by much flapping and kicking,
was reputed to be a favorite kink amongst those who had become jaded by the
standard fare of hookers.

[e-mail] (David V. Wallace):
I have it on good authority (for a member of one of the federal
security agencies) that you can do this alone by slamming the head in
a drawer at the right moment (reputedly "you get more action that
way.")

EARTHWORMING -
(real name unknown)
[e-mail]:
Looking for a new solitary sexual sensation but can't afford an Accu-Jac(tm)?
Collect a handful of earthworms (or visit your local bait shop and purchase
a pound of nightcrawlers).  Place said nematodes into a plastic sandwich bag.
Add a quarter-cup of salad oil and knead lightly to distribute it evenly.
Plunge right in!
And when you're done, add the contents of the bag to an omelette.

[e-mail] (John N. Young):
Alternatively you can fuck a jar full of worms, for best
result stick the worms in the microwave first so they burst and
you'll have the slipperest fuck ever!

FECALLATIO -
administration of a blow job to a turd.  No verified cases of this on record.

[e-mail] (Charlie Lear) notes:
Of course not.  Nobody who has ever had a turd cum in their mouth has lived.

FELTCH -
[e-mail]:
    Well, Claire, say your sweetie, during an afternoon tryst of animal
    lust, decides to do some back door work.  Now, after he's released
    the fruit of his family jewels, and you're still tied firmly face
    down on the kitchen table with his leather neckties, Studmuffin whips
    out a crazy straw.  He then proceeds to suck out and ingest his
    recent deposit from your bum.

    You have just been feltched.

    And yes, you asked for it.

FISHBOWL -
the head is inserted in an appropriately sized fishbowl.  Someone defecates
onto the fishbowl so that the logs may be seen drooling off the side.

FISTING -
insertion of fist and arm as far up as your elbow into somebody's anus.

FUNNELING, ATOMIC CHUG -
(no verified cases, may not be physiologically possible)
[e-mail]:
So he gets up, takes his pants off and does a headstand against the
wall.  One of his buddies gets out a funnel and jams it in the guys
asshole.  Already kind of unusual, but then he pours a beer or two
into it!!!!  (Interesting enema, eh?)

Next the guy (still upside down) starts making all these motions like
he's throwing up or burping or somewhat.  Eventually he coughs up
about a half cup of liquid into a cup.  Which his buddies drink!!!!!

[e-mail] comments:
I suppose if the beer wasn't sufficiently carbonated, one could
easily add gaseous content using this method.

GASTRODOMY, FIZZLE DICKING, ACID BATH FOR THE MAN WITH THE HELMET -
[e-mail] (SEAN M. MCAFEE):
I've lost all but the attribution on this one, so the definition is my fault.
Banging a fistula leading directly into someone's stomach.

GERBILING, HIDING THE HAMSTER -
(no verified cases, not even Richard Gere)
-Arctangent, [e-mail] (Bowie J. Poag):
"Gerbiling" is taking a cardboard tube, or something, like the tube off a roll
of paper towels, or toilet paper, inserting it lengthwise into your ass, and
putting a gerbil in the tube to crawl in it, and make himself a nice warm home
in your ass. The gerbils like it. The extremo-fags like it as well, because
the gerbil twitches around and stuff.

GERBILING VARIATIONS -
[e-mail]:
Rectal warts?  Sounds like the result of sticking a toad up the ol' anus.
Perhaps we've stumbled on a creative variation of gerbilling (toadilling?).

[e-mail]:
A weta (pron. "wetter") is a very large insect, up to four or so inches
long.  They look like a giant grasshopper, with the addition of spikes
all over and bloody great claws, and mandibles that casually munch
through hardwood.  They are reasonably intelligent (for insects) and
know of their potential for freaking out people.  The bunnyhuggers always
pick up wetas to show how harmless they are - you can guarantee that the
bastards have never been bitten by one.

   ([e-mail] quoting "Steve Withers"):
   You're lucky......back in 1985 I awoke twice in three weeks - once in
   Wellington and once in Kaitaia - to find a weta (different one in each
   place, mind you) trying *vigorously* (or so it seemed at the time!) to
   enter my anal orifice.

[e-mail]:
[moth in ear story finale:]
They wouldn't give it to me afterwards - I reckon that the quacks keep
collections of this sort of thing to gross out their girlfriends or
whatever it is that they date.  And the way that they reacted suggested
that they thought that I had put it there on purpose the way that some
of their other customers stick things up their arses - is there some
recognized ear-gerbilling pasttime that I've never heard of?

[e-mail] (Bruce Becker):
    Gerbilling, besides the more widely publicised
    method, is sometimes also performed with the
    nasal orifices due to the mucus membranes
    present.

HICKEYS -
[e-mail]:
On my floor at the dorm this guy had a single room with a live in girlfriend/
houseguest.  They were soon voted most grossest couple on the floor (in
the world)  One day he comes out in the hall to show us something.
He pulls up his shirt to reveal a huge unbroken heart made of dark red
hickeys.  Just the sight of that sunken white chest is gross enough
but that hickey-heart was the worst.  Then she pokes her head out and
grins.  Her tounge had turned black from sucking.

HOT DOGS UP THE JACKSEY -
[e-mail]:
    You'd need to feltch a tapeworm out of someone who hasn't wiped his/her
    butt in ages to start bordering on disgusting.

    What is it with vaginal blood farts?  Having seen, heard, smelled
    and tasted same, there are far more vile things in this world I can
    think of. (pardon my preposition)  Hotdogs come to mind ...

    Nobody cares what hotdogs are made of as long as they are considered
    foodstuffs.  With that consideration, most people feel safe in
    stuffing them into one or more bodily orifices (orifi?)  It's a well
    known and not terribly disputed fact that almost half the hot dogs
    sold in this country are used as makeshift marital aids.  This
    figure shoots way over 50% for "Ball Park Franks" brand.  With a
    slogan like "they plump when you cook 'em", you can well imagine.

    Just keep in mind that for single men and women on a budget, hot
    dogs are a boon.  You get that meaty partner you so miss, there is
    no PG&E bill generated in the heating of the food, and condiments
    aren't needed, since the warmed weener already has a special sauce
    that you won't find in Hienz' 57  varieties.  For the people with
    one or more partners (or the very lithe), the dog can be served
    between piping hot buns.

LARD SHAGGING -
While working in a fast-food restaurant, taking a cardboard container of
lard, punching a dick-sized hole in the side, fucking the hole, then replacing
the container on the shelf to be used in cooking.  Yum!

[e-mail] comments:
Ah yes, a good one, as some has a glans too sensitive for the juices in melons
or pumpkins in which it it also customary among lonely men to drill fuck
orifices. The best vagina I can think of is a big slab of raw liver. Wrap it
around your cock, and keep it there with rubberbands. You can then just mast
with it or put it on some vibrating machinery and fuck it. You migth want to
heat it a bit before you start. Ok orgasms.

LEG TAG -
[e-mail] (Jeff Smith):
When I was in junior high, my cousin had a male dog named Rusty who would
get very horny whenever we (the cousin and I) wrestled or played rough.
Being the tasteless youths we were, we invented the game of "Leg Tag".  We
would push each other around and make a lot of noise, until the dog would
come into the room.  Then, the point of the game would be to manuver the
other guy into position to get his leg humped by the dog.  The one who got
the fruit of the dog's passion spent on his shin lost.  Simple, yet highly
entertaining.

MAINLINE -
defecation directly into another's mouth.  Some may not like this:
[e-mail]:
At a big drunken house party, my friend was hitting on a girl and
managed to maneuver her into a bed room.  He was in there for some
time making his friends a bit worried.  When he finally came out he
had a baaaad look on his face.  Asked how it went he said, "AWWW, she
shit on me."  No, really, how'd it go?  "She SHIT on me! SHIT! SHIT!
SHIT! Nasty, loose, diarhea!  I was eating her out and she spewed butt
chunks all over my face and in my mouth!!! SHIT!!!"


MASTURBATING USING THE BELT OF SOME POWER MACHINERY DURING LUNCH HOUR -
See William A. Morton, _Medical_Aspects_of_Human_Sexuality_, July 1991,
"Unusual Case" column.  Has anyone seen this reference?  Pertinent excerpts:

    Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the
    machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself
    with a heavy-duty stapling gun.  The dark objects were one-inch
    staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.
    .
    .
    .
    An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at
    lunchtime with his coworkers.  Finding himself alone, he had begun the
    regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the
    canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of machinery.  One day,
    as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too
    close to the belt.  When his scrotum became caught between the pulley-
    wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few
    feet away.  Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too
    stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed
    work.  I can only assume he abandoned this method of self gratification.

MASTURBATING WITH A VACCUUM CLEANER WITH A TABLE LEG UP YOUR ASS -
self explanatory.  You must die during the act for inclusion in a dry medical
article at a later date.

MAYONAISSING -
[e-mail]:
Eating the acne on your teenage boyfriends shoulders as you buttfuck him.

[e-mail]:
My friend was mashing with a girl in a dark bedroom.  He got her shirt
off and maneuvered down to suck her tits.  After sucking on her nipple for
a minute he tasted some liquid in his mouth.  Surpised, he flipped on the
light.  Turns out he wasn't sucking her nipple at all---IT WAS A BOIL!!!!

NECKING, RETRO-FELLATIO, STOMA BLOWJOB -
[e-mail] (Bill Gribble):
I had a dream last night that my grandmother was blowing me.  Nothing too
unusual about that.  The good part is that she has a stoma - a hole in
her throat about adam's apple level.  I was fucking her in the stoma and
she was sucking my dick as it curved up her throat into her mouth.

Nice gurgling noises, but nothing too spectacular.

PEE TAG -
the children's game of "tag, you're it" is played with urine as the
instrument of "itness".

PIPEFITTING -
[e-mail]:
If you like that, apparently there are some sex-jaded men who stretch
the opening of their penises to accomodate another man's penis. I think it
would be just as easy to come up with a male-male penis connector.

RAPING VIRGIN PEANUT BUTTER -
masturbation using a fresh jar of peanut butter.  Real name unknown.

SCREWING A LIVE PIG UP THE ASS AND THEN CUTTING ITS THROAT -
[e-mail] (Jamie O'Shaughnessy):
Screwing a pig (live) up the arse while it is having it's throat
cut and it's blood spews all over you.

SCROG, AURAL SEX -
sex with another's ear hole.

SCROTUM INSUFFLATION -
A small slit is cut in the skin of the scrotum.  A tube is inserted, and the
scrotum is inflated.  Said to cause unspeakable pleasure.  Bonus points because
this can be life threatening due to air embolisms and nasty infections.
Real name unknown.

SIXTY-NINING A STARVED PIG -
[e-mail]:
I'd suggest you got into a 69 with a starved pig, then you can bite it in its
balls while it consumes your nob.

SKULL FUCK, BRAIN SALAD SURGERY -
sex with a hole in someone's skull: possibly an empty eye-socket, possibly
the result of a trepanation.

This act may entail risk of catching "kufu".

SLEEVE JOB -
[e-mail] (Eric A. Schwartz):
Maybe squicking is the same thing as a sleeve job?

SLIPPING THE SALAMI TO A SUCKING CHEST WOUND -
self explanatory.

SPITOONING -
Catching a sexually transmitted disease by drinking copious quantities of
saliva.
[e-mail]:
Well, I've always heard that HIV can be carried in saliva, but to be
sure of catching it from someone, you have to drink a couple of
gallons of the stuff.

SQUICK -
don't know, popular with BDSM types.

Definitely not the same as "skull fucking":
[e-mail] (Geoff Miller) comments about skull fucking
and possible equivalence to squicking:
I posted that a year ago, and I *made it up!*  I just figured that was
the only activity that would make a "squicking" noise, with the possible
exception of slipping the salami to a sucking chest wound.  (We've heard
of water in the lung.  But how would a doctor react when he realized
that someone had *jism* in his lung?  I don't think even Rod Stewart could
top that!)

SOGGY COOKIE, SOGGY BISCUIT, SOGGY CRACKER -
A group of males circle around a cookie, cracker or biscuit.  All masturbate,
aiming ejaculate at cookie, cracker or biscuit.  Last one to ejaculate eats
the cookie, cracker or biscuit.

TEA BAGGING -
[e-mail]:
Another custom my roommate has described to me is known as "tea-bagging".
This is when a guy squats over a babe's waiting mouth, and proceeds to
repeatedly dip his testicles into her salivating orifice.  NO, has hasn't
done it to me (thank God).

[e-mail] (Steven Snedker) comments:
On teabagging I think it's also worth to note that the girl should wear goggels
if you've had spicy food the day before. I for one fart like a madman when I
have sex and she might go blind if you've had chili in tabasco sauce. The
objects lodged in your anus could also prove dangerous to the poor girl; it's
not nice to get a broomstick in the eye.

TEA ROOM TRADE -
[e-mail], [e-mail]:
having sex through a hole in a bathroom stall ...

THE STOOL GAME -
[e-mail]:
                        THE STOOL GAME
                        official rules
Two men sit in front of each other in a bathtub wanking. When the spunk/
water amount is 50:50, you start playing. Both put their feet on the sides
of the bathtub, and try to push their stool as far out as they can,
without losing it. It's extremely funny pushing it far out, then pulling it
in again, and many expierience a wonderful orgasm during this play.
The winner is the man that can push the stool the most far out, and then
still be able to retract it.

One suggested variation (sorry, I lost that post so I can't give proper credit)
is to trade a stool back and forth, the loser being the one to "drop" the
stool.

TRANS-URINATION -
two catheters are attached to the ends of a tube.  The catheters are
inserted into two people's urethra's, and they trade urine.  May not be the
official name.  Steroid abusing athletes often have this done to be able to
piss fresh, sweet, clean, urine into the testing jar.

URETHRA SEX -
[e-mail] (Mitchell Davis ):
About .5% of women have an extended urethra opening, and
with practise (although this is not recommended) this
can be used as an alternative sexual "interface",
especially in older women after their skin starts to lose elasticity.

Real name unknown.

VACUUM FUCK, POWER MASTURBATION -
[e-mail]:
I remember a story about some fellow who was into masturbating
with his shop vac. Supposedly, you get a good flutter going, and it is
pretty satisfying, and best of all: "There's no fuss no muss - everything
is just whisked away." according to him.

However he cautioned not to use a high power vaccuum cleaner. He said that
he had done so once and the suction was so great it pulled his penis and
scrotum into the nozzle, "nearly pulling my balls off" he said, until he
somehow managed to switch it off. Then he had to muster all his effort
to extract himself from the nozzle and found that the entire area was
thoroughly scraped and scratched.  The pain was tremendous.

Knowing how filthy the nozzle of a vaccum cleaner would be and thinking
about his open wound, he looked for a way to sterilize it, and found a
bottle of Mennen Skin Bracer, which he dutifully poured over his groin
area.

VAGINAL INFLATION, CUNNIBUBBLING, PUSSY POPPING -
bruce allen ediger:
One of my friends told me that her drug dealer's girlfriend told my friend
that women could get unspeakable pleasure if you inflate a balloon to bursting
inside her vagina.

[e-mail]:
But they would have to be the long, thin ones that they use to make balloon
animals with to get the full effect, it seems.  Just think about it... stick
it in her vagina all the way up to the opening of the balloon and then slowly
inflate.  While it inflates, the length of it will slowly drive her into
unbearable ecstasy!  If she hasn't had an orgasm by the time it's fully
inflated, slide it in and out for a while until she's about to have one.
Then just as she's about to have it, blow it up inside her!  It'll send her
WAY over the top!

WANKING WHILE COMMITTING SUICIDE BY HANGING YOURSELF -
self explanatory.